The Logvinova Saga: Assassination Attempt #1
Saturday, 7 January 2017

There used to be a woman who lived at our house called Logvinova who I believe to be a defective KGB agent on the run from the wrath of Putin. We repeatedly receive so-called ‘bills’ in her name which are clearly threatening letters from his administration warning of ‘consequences’ should she continue evading his iron grip. However, events took a darker turn this evening: I must report an attempt on her life in the form of a defective JustEat delivery courtesy of Moscow. I hope she is well hidden; the Red Army are closing in…